Monday, April 20, 2009

Hello, Ahmed? (Part 1)


If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles.

If you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one.

If you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.

- Sun Tzu



AHMED: Hello?

HABIB: Ahmed, my brother, have you heard?

AHMED: Heard what?

HABIB: About the CIA memos!!!

AHMED: No. What memos???

HABIB: Oh, my brother, Allah be praised… Obama has turned out to be the blessing that keeps on giving. He ordered the CIA to declassify and release memos outlining the types of interrogation methods they will and won’t use, and under what circumstances they have to legally stop them.

AHMED: Wait, didn’t Ayman and the boys already put quite a bit of this into the training manuals? I think it was right after the parts where our martyrs are instructed to falsely claim they were tortured --- even though they weren't, to gain sympathy of the infidels' news media and "human rights" organizations?

HABIB: Well, yes and no. We knew from some of our brothers who were released from Guantanamo what types of interrogation the infidels employ. But we didn't know the full scope of what they’re authorized to use, and most importantly, when they have to stop. For example, thanks to Obama, we learned that if a captured brother claims that he’s hallucinating, they have to shut down the interrogation. It’s all there, my brother, and it's glorious – I’m emailing you the links now.

AHMED: And what is the reaction among the American people, and their news media???

HABIB: [LAUGHS] Oh, my brother, it’s very funny, and consistent with their idiocy to date!!!

The American news media has circled the wagons around Obama, and is protecting him at every turn. They claim that it’s all part of America's “new approach” to foreign policy that he promised in his campaign. Releasing their own top-secret intelligence memos and their interrogation procedures and limitations!!! My brother, there isn’t enough money in all the oil fields of Saudi Arabia to buy that information – and yet, Obama just gave it to us for free.

As far as the American public goes, they’re distracted, as always. American Idol, Perez Hilton and all that nonsense. There are only pockets of resistance, trying to get the word out, but as their news media pays no attention to them, we have nothing to worry about. And their blogs... oh, their wonderful blogs. I'll send you the links to the commentaries on their deranged leftist blogs, The Huffington Post and Daily Kos... you'll be warmed by how outraged they are at the grade-school "torture" they employed on our martyrs... [LAUGHS].

Even those useful idiots at has gotten into the game, producing commercials pushing for criminal penalties for monkey-faced Bush officials who ok'd these non-torture methods. But of course, they ignore what we do to infidel crusaders when we get a hold of them.
They don't know or care what torture really is. My brother, they actually think that if they don't get rough with our martyrs, we'll go easier on theirs!!! Oh, praise Allah for the stupidity of our enemies.

AHMED: Amazing!!! Praise Allah, all those little things we did to help Obama get elected sure have paid off!!! Remember the campaign phone banks we set up with our brothers in Hamas, making calls to American infidels on his behalf – and the American news media wouldn’t even cover it? All the illegal donations we helped direct to his campaign, including from Gaza, that their infidel journalists refused to expose? Oh, my brother, this has worked out better than we hoped.

HABIB: Indeed – and it gets even better!!!

AHMED: What? How?

HABIB: Oh, where do I begin. You know how Obama recently likened America's infidel bankers to suicide bombers with their fingers on their bomb vests... then ordered his Department of Infidel-Land Security to stop referring to what we do as "terrorism"... and [laughs] to instead refer to it as "man-caused disasters." He can't even call us terrorists!!! And now, he's ordered them to stop referring to their military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan as "wars" - instead, now they're to call them "overseas contingency operations"!!! The stupid infidels can't even name what they're doing, or fighting against. I mean, who saw those jewels coming???

Then last week, Obama sat in that conference with a motley crew of America-hating Hispanic tyrants, Chavez, Ortega and Castro. Ortega ranted for nearly an hour about America, and Obama sat there like a beaten puppy and took it, and didn't say a word in defense of America. All he did was ensure that they don't blame him for what they allege are the sins of America --- which, by his silence, he gave credence to.

Obama's worshippers claim he is so smart, yet he never once pointed out that for years, Chavez has been allowing Hezbollah to set up bases throughout Venezuela, and is now buddies with Ahmadinejad. Or that Hezbollah operatives, with funding from Iran, are immersing themselves in Hispanic culture, to avoid detection if they're caught at the U.S. border.

Obama never once pointed out that Ahmadinejad has threatened to deploy thousands of suicide bombers to create "man-caused disasters" [LAUGHS] at "precise locations in America" if it interferes in any way with Iran's nuclear weapons program. I mean, where do they think these thousands of martyrs will come from... San Francisco?

And neither Obama nor the stupid infidel American news media will connect these dots. They just sat there like lemmings, taking all the abuse that Chavez and Ortega dished out. But who are we to complain --- he is doing a marvelous job of keeping his stupid citizens unaware of the threat they're facing, right at their southern border.

AHMED: Oh, that is classic. And don't forget --- even though America is bankrupt, Obama will soon be giving nearly a billion U.S. taxpayer dollars to our brothers in Hamas. He tells his stupid citizens that it'll only go to "rebuild" Gaza [LAUGHS]. Every sane person in the world knows that the only thing America's money will be going to "rebuild" is Hamas's ability to fund more "man-caused disasters" against Israel and other infidels. But leave it to the American government and news media to pretend otherwise. Thanks, President Obama!!!


AHMED: Oh, and one last item of wonderful news... I'm forwarding you a link to an article outlining how Obama has been quietly giving preference to, and filling the ranks of his administration with our Islamist brothers... and how, of course, the stupid American news media is too afraid of our cries of "racism!" and "Islamophobia!" to cover it. Praise Allah, could we have even hoped for a stupider, more simpering enemy???

HABIB: Thank you, my brother... I shall look forward to reading this wonderful news.

AHMED: Oh by the way, hello people at NSA – we don’t even care if you’re recording this call… thanks to your stupid infidel electorate, your stupid apostate president won’t do anything! All we have to do is cry, "You’re invading our privacy rights!" and you will back down!!!

HABIB: [LAUGHS] Oh Ahmed, my brother, you are too much… Allah be praised, you have a good night.

AHMED: And you too, my brother. Allahu Akbar!!!

HABIB: Allahu Akbar, my brother!!!



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